Welcome To The Waste

10:48 pm - bare bones incased in stone

i haven't the time to explain the way i wish i could. what im doing just sitting and watching you go by. evading the questions that i know would open my heart. because i may just be a little bit afraid of you. so i sit and listen, just accept the moment as what shall be and i guess itll have to be good enough for me. or ill have to allow myself that moment of weakness again, that moment where im like an open door...im not angry all the time, im not always waiting - im just so afraid im not good enough for you.

Current Mood: blah

01:57 pm - a glance back, but forging forward.

i don't come around here much anymore, its haunts of the past. but i am one prone to remember the past all too well, and to wear it on my sleave...but the future is now, i remember how.
a relationship in hours....a lifetime understood by the look in your eye. the glint of guilty pleasure. the smell of your skin. as i lick your shoulder, i feel years older. i taste your smell, on this night so unwell...Crystal clear not to tell. *** that was fleeting rapture at its best. deluding myself in passion and completely knowing its just this once. comfortable and compassionate. i just needed to remember i could care. just needed to know that i still knew.

Current Mood: cheerful

10:40 pm - the day after.....

if you wern't there you don't know.

and much was as i had expected, but sometimes you need to have it told that the sky is blue.

and now...onward till im dead!

Current Mood: hurtin'

06:09 pm - todays date is the best - 04/05/06

we've built this big monolith
and we've forgotten how it all began.

we've built mass media and mass markets
the information super highway
and opperate according to rules written by people dead a generation past.
all perspective has been lost
in the spirit of conformity
we have forgotten the essence of our nature and we perpetuate our disease with every combined corporate gesture....

Disiple Androids - pit against the Static Samari
move in
exploit
destroy
move on

Current Mood: sore

02:40 pm - of power

power. calling.
and the frail shall turn to dust as the power rising within the few who find the will, it grows.
i know. it shows.
within the heart theres a fury and it grows.
within the eyes a death-like calm and eye to eye we recognize our own.
with death of day within the few this inversion shall begin anew that of nights of since have gone unknown.
beyond this coil i am reaching.
beyond your reach i send myself.
beneath the earth beyond the sky, it grows.
extend our will silent and still as one by one we deify our own.
now heed the urge to slip inside and let them scream of patricide.
destiny we will invent alone.

-d.havok

Current Mood: working

01:39 am - with a buzzing in my ears..

its like the longer i walk this road the harder it is to remember where it was i started - i blink and things go blank...its just darkness and briars. the air gets think and i try to remember, but im black with hate like caged rats - its like my soul is tearing...i can't run this race, all i want to do is lay down and cry....but then i'd drown....

10:39 pm - im so boring.

ug.
my brain is broken, and i have no internet at the moment...
ill be back in a bit.

Current Mood: broken

05:59 pm - more stupid people (why isn't there a hunting season for them?)

"i called up and tried to make and order, but my credit card was declined..."
"alright sir...."
"so i wanted to know if i qualify for the free phone..."
"im sorry, qualify?"
"yeah, my card was declined, but i wanted to get the free phone instead."
"ok, so your order was declined and you wanted to complete the order? you put money on your card now?"
"no, i just wanted to see if i qualify for the free phone"
"sir, there is no way i can get you something for completely free...i need to charge something to complete the order."
"oh" and then he starts mumbling something to someone in the background
then his wife gets on the phone - thankfully i can understand her southern accent better than his (770 area code, for those of you who don't deal with phone numbers on a regular basis, thats georgia, atlanta to be exact) and she goes off:
"what do you mean you can't do it, it won't cost nuthin if its free"
"im sorry maam, but my computer won't let me close a new order without getting payment for something"
"well what about this other credit card, can i use it? it doesn't have the right address"
"im sorry maam, if you know about the address problem, the last agent must have told you that we can't do that..."
"so what should we do?"
"call the bank and change the address on the card....?"
"oh, ok..." *click*

idiots....why the hell am i still here?

07:49 pm - broken head strikes again...

the broken spirited voices keep ranting and somehow i find myself amongst them.
angry dumb people making their ignorance my problem....

random phone moment:
talking with a gentleman from louisiana, and he finds out im from canada. first he asks about the weather (of course) and then he asks where i am. i say ottawa. he says "oh wow. are you anywhere near where they're having the olympics? do you live near toronto?" (the 2010 winter olympics are in vancover) so i play dumb and say "yes sir, i live in ottawa (2nd time) and its in the same province as toronto...think the distance from boston to new york." and he says, "aww, i've only been to new york once...and i don't know where boston is....but anyways, can i give you my cell number, you could maybe send me an olympic hat? you know, one of those memorabilia hats?"
doesn't know where boston is? wants me to send him an olympic hat?!
how stupid can you get?

05:23 pm - my head is breaking...

broken head...wake up broken head; you're needed for alot of nothing. its almost here, you better be ready! don't forget your hat! listen to the lights buzzing and the moan of voices overlaping. do you hear it? somewhere deep in the haze. its the sound of modern slavery and people hawking their souls...tiny pieces at a time. everyone has their brainscanner on, filling their heads with busy work and pointless knowledge, for the sake of enough to just get by. screens destroy eyes. you think yours are leaking down your face. and thats when you notice that the world is shrinking to fit the size of the building. this will be your world. you will know no more of the life of sunlit mornings and amber afternoons. you are under contract. you are a drone, never forget that.

Current Mood: aggravated

11:14 am - you know you're from the eighties when...

How many of these are you guilty of?

[x] You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!"

[X] You can sing the rap to "The Fresh Prince Of Bel Air"

[X] You've worn skorts and felt stylish

[ ] You yearned to be part of the Baby-Sitters club

[ ] You use to love playing with your My Little Pet Shop

[X] You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey from "Blossom" and that "How Rude!" comes from Stephanie from "Full House"

[X] You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons

[ ] You wore a ponytail on the side of your head and had fluffed bangs
-(im not a girl!)

[ ] You wanted to change your name to "JEM" in kindergarten

[ ] You remember reading "Goosebumps"
-(too old)

[X] You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, wax off"

[X] You have pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
-(because she was gargamels spy!)

[X] You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school.

[X] You remember the craze then the banning of slap bracelets and slam books.

[X] You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence

[ ] You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green Ranger were meant to be together.
-(not quite...too old again)

[X] You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"

[X] You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates

[X] You ever got injured on a Slip 'n' Slide

[X] You wore socks over leggings scrunched down
-(im so embarrassed...)

[X] " Miss Mary Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black, with silver buttons, buttons, buttons, all down her back, back, back" SHE ASKED HER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER FOR FIFTY CENTS CENTS CENTS TO SEE THE ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS ELEPHANTS JUMP OVER THE FENCE THE FENCE THE FENCE" he jumped so high high high he touched the sky sky sky and he didnt come back back back til the forth of july ly ly he jumped so low ow ow he stumbed he's toe oe oe and thats the end end end of the elephants show ow ow

[X] You remember boom boxes vs. cd players

[X] You remember when you had to fast forward a tape to get to the one song you liked on it... and waited how ever long it took... up to 20 mins depending on how slow your tape player was

[X] walkman tape players were all the rage, they came with free huge headphones

[X] You knew what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare"

[X] You remember Alf, the little brown alien from Melmac and Vicki the Robot from "MY Little Wonder"

[X] You remember New Kids on The Block when they were cool

[X] You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell"

[X] the wonder years was a show homework could be stopped for

[ ] You played and or collected "Pogs"
-(too old)

[ ] You used to pretend to be a MIGHTY MORPHIN Power Ranger and you owned a Skip It

[X] You had at least one GigaPet or Nano and brought it everywhere

[X] You watched the original Care Bears, My Little Pony, and Ninja Turtles
-(care bears was my first movie!)

[X] All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand (pencils, notebooks, binders, etc.)

[X] You used to wear those stick on earings, not only on your ears, but at the corners of your eyes.

[X] You remember a time before the WB.

[X] You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?"

[X] You thought it would be so cool to be Alex Mack.

[X] You know the Macarena by heart

[X] " Talk to the hand"

[X] You thought Brain would finally take over the world...

[X] you knew the theme song to pinky and the brain "gnarfs" included.

Current Mood: annoyed

02:19 am - whos the FREAK NOW?

time to make the words come...by any and all means possible. the words come broken, and i have neither the patience nor the perserverance to mold it properly right now. now is for expulsion. now is for attacking the static in my head. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?" i scream as doubt rages in my head to the beat of the nazi 6th army....i have commited so much to here and now, but the tedium of the build up is making me masochistic. hiding in a corner is slow suicide, so i find other ways of lashing out. of finding ways to feel alive. i need that, of this, there is no question; however to what ends do i go to obtain it? at which point should my ethics come into play? am i as fake and angry as i pretend to be? i could try and justify that anger with many things, but justification is hollow. mearly an excuse after the fact. it shouldn't have to be like this... we are the pre-fab generation tuned out to alcoholic static... i had beautiful wings and a head that was always in the clouds once... what happened to those dreams? could it have been that i was mistaken and those things could never happen? it shouldn't have to be like this but dreams like these do exist, and it is the warmth in the cold, the young in the old, the sanity in madness, the comfort in sadness, the light in the dark, the happiness in pain... but i've found a way to live again...

Current Mood: quirky

12:25 pm - woke up with it in my head...

Good times for a change
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad
So please please please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time...
Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the last time....

Current Mood: awake

01:56 am - weird...

Your results:
You are Iron Man

Iron Man 100% Green Lantern 95% Spider-Man 85% The Flash 85% Superman 75% Hulk 75% Catwoman 75% Batman 55% Supergirl 55% Robin 52% Wonder Woman 45%

Inventor. Businessman. Genius.

11:21 am - i pay attention!

Your Observation Skills Get An A-

Hardly anything gets by you... You have a great memory and eagle eyes

11:06 am - creepy...

Your Birthdate: April 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride. Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing. When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it. It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious. Your strength: Your warm heart Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions Your power color: Black Your power symbol: Musical note Your power month: February

10:49 am - five questions tells you all that?

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

Current Mood: complacent

07:20 pm - the things i see set me off

i can't stand small talk
what the hell is the point?
who the hell cares that you got a toasted sub?
why should you be able to waste more time daydreaming about what you ate and telling
other people about it?
its gone.
i mean when people die we get over it right? takes some time but we get over it...
and hey,...they were around for a number of years....we're supposed to remember.
the sub lasted all of three minutes, so what gives it the right to exist for another
two minutes as your subject of convorsation as you grin like a fool at the girl you think
is hot but only thinks your a little boy...way ta go. now she thinks you're dumb too.
dumbass.

05:29 pm - another day in the salt mines

winning day so far, first call was a sprint rep in the business department (somewhere where i have absolutly no authority)
calling to get fifteen pieces of high grade phone pieces for free - RIGHT!... ain't nuthin for free here dude.
the program won't even let you close the sale without ATLEAST five dollars. and you work here, you should know this!
and thats where the brain goes blank.............no stupid people to deal with. i do what i was trained to do maybe once
a week, and the rest of the time is spent dealing with dumb americans. argh! i can't get away from them!
and then the stupid click to talk feature goes off. thats when youre on the internet and you want to talk to a person to
ask a stupid question. so the computer beeps at me, and tells me to hold, and i have to swivel my chair and look at the
alternate opening script taped up in the cubicle, and it rings...and rings...and rings...and rings...CLICK. and now its
peter griffin talking at me about being happy, and hes singing a song, and this chair is horrible for my posture, and why
the hell would peter griffin make me happy? do you want another line of service?
so i hang up and return to the monotony of interupted stories and newspaper clippings.
the blue colour of these cubicle walls reminds me of when my mom is painting and shes working out the perfect blue grey
of and overcast sky in an english landscape. the sky outside is overcast as well....grrr.
ever have the weather rub off on your mood? all the time.
so i sit and drift in a state that doesn't really alow me to focus for too long....i never had attention problems like i do
when i work in a call centre.
break--- *yawn*
and then you think it can't be worse; the cake is gone, that sprint rep took it. and then: *beep* - a new cake
mysteriously appears, but theres this guy there already stealing it.
me: thank you for calling....
him: have you seen the commercial?
me: i'm sorry sir?
him: the commercial. have you seen it, do you always corrospond with sprint?
me: yes sir, i'm a sales rep for both sprint, and nextel sir. how can i help you?
him: its that commercial there. ive seen it a bunch of times, and theres two guys in a yellow room that are trying to turn
off the valve...atleast i think theyre trying to close it. but theyre turning it the wrong way.
me: im sorry sir?
him: yeah, im pretty sure theyre trying to close it cause he only turns it a quarter turn, but its the worng way. you know?
righty thighty, lefty loosey...do you think you could tell them?
me: umm.....i'll see what i can do sir....?
him: great, talk to you later.....*click*
me: good god i hope not.

argh.

where do these people live? who let them have a phone? people like that are contributing to the insanity oozing through the
phone lines...i mean these people really have to battle to keep up with the insanity of day time cable television.
now to sneak in a game of solitare....or not.
"what do you mean my phone isn't made by sprint?"

its in their eyes, i can see the impending insanity in most of the eyes around me...

Current Mood: crazy

10:17 am - i like stealing non-conciquential shit

A - Age you got your first kiss: 8 (playing house doesn't count)
B - Band listening to right now: lamb
C - Crush: i like the cream soda most - SANDY!
D - Dad's name: Terrence (Terry)
E - Easiest person to talk to: depends on what its about
F - Favorite bands at the moment: current obsessions would be alkaline trio, thrice, or the bravery......so many!
G - Gummy bears or gummy worms: frogs!
H - Hometown: Ottawa.
I - Instruments: guitar, bass, sounds of distortion, and eventually the bangy things in the corner
K - Kids: not unless someones lying to me
L - Longest car ride ever: 12 hrs across new england, yay boston!
M - Mom's name: Lorilyn (Lori)
N - Nicknames: changes based on the person
O - One wish: what kind of a genie are you? - freedom to release the art in my head without the limits of the economy
P - Phobia[s]: asphyxiation, drowning most specifically
Q - Quote: "i understand, i just don't care" - me
R - Reason to smile: because it only gets worse from here
S - Song you sang last: take the veil cerpin taxt - mars volta, or something by silverchair
T - Time you woke up [today]: 10 am (where the hell is chris?)
U - Unknown fact about me: the stories i share, i share; those i don't, i don't.
V - Vegetable you hate: brussel sprouts
W - Worst habit(s): drinking
X - X-rays you've had: now that i think of it, the whole body minus the left leg (WTF?)
Y - Yummy food: fried noodles!
Z- Zodiac sign: aries - taurus - go cusp!

Current Mood: awake